Tag Archives: couples

Why women are choosey and men are flousy

By Danumurthi Mahendra

Take a look at any society in the world and you will see a trend among genders: when it comes to relationships, women are more likely to be the “picky ones,” whereas men are the ones that must impress. In human culture, the need to impress can go both ways but there is actually a biological root to the way our dating culture is designed.

In the majority of sexually reproducing animal species, the female invests more energy to produce offspring than males do. This is energy going to produce eggs, carrying young in the womb, and/or rearing the young after they’ve been introduced to the world. In the case of producing eggs, females have a limited supply of eggs. The average human female will release about 480 eggs in her lifetime, one per month. For some mammalian species, offspring are dependent on their mothers for years; having children is an expensive investment for a female.

Males, on the other hand, do not invest as much into the conception of offspring. In the mammalian kingdom, male parental care is relatively rare. Their prime investment comes from the deposit of sperm. The average human male will produce 66 million sperm per mL of ejaculate. Sperm is relatively cheap in terms of energy cost of production.

So… where does that leave us?

The fact of life is that every individual is biological driven to survive and reproduce. That is the most prime instinct in living beings: to pass on their genes to the next generation. As such, mating with an individual with good genes (genes that encode resistance to disease, strength, etc.) gives oneself the best odds of having healthy offspring to carry on one’s genes.

Females have more to lose during mating than males do; for females to maximize their reproductive success, they must choose the best mate with the best genes. 

Males don’t invest as much in the production of offspring; for males to maximize their reproductive success, they should mate with as many females as they can.

This raises some questions: if human males don’t invest as much in to offspring and are biologically driven to mate with as many females as possible, why does monogamy exist?

The answer is because of the reproductive advantages of parental care. Monogamy exists in a number of species, such as birds and fish. Dating is a result of the evolution of parental care in humans; if a male helps the female rear its young, the male benefits by having a guarantee that its genes are being passed on as healthy offspring. The female benefits by not having to invest as much energy into rearing offspring alone. Since parental care in mammals was traditionally a female role, the male will aid the female by providing food and protection for both its young and its mate. This is where the notion of men being the bread-winners has a biological root.

What does all this biology mumbo-jumbo say about how our societies should run? Well, nothing. This is because we have something that contradicts biological ‘roles’:  culture. Humans are unique in nature for having a drive to live beyond the scope of survival and reproduction. We have come to desire much more than our animalian relatives: knowledge. Any dolphin can desire pleasure or happiness, but only humans crave knowledge. I feel that this is what truly sets human apart from the rest of the animal kingdom.

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How to Stop Being Afraid of Romantic Relationships

For many, finding that perfect someone is important. As humans we are born social beings keen to form all sorts of relationships with the people we meet. But being afraid of a romantic relationship is not something to be ashamed of. It happens, and it’s understandable.

Here are things to consider to help you overcome this obstacle.

1. Identify the cause of your fear. Can you think back to when you first decided you were afraid of a relationship? Was it watching your parents fight? Was it seeing the aftermath of a bad relationship?

2. Being afraid of a relationship DOES NOT mean there is something wrong with you. Inviting another person into your world is a big thing. It’s natural to be scared of such a change to your personal life.#  Be confident in yourself. If you truly want a relationship, you will be able to find one. But do not look down on yourself because you are afraid. Everyone is afraid of change.

3. Don’t be impatient. Look not for a partner for the sake of having a partner. There is a distinct difference between finding a partner and finding someone whom you wish would become your partner. That is, don’t look for a relationship because you’re the last one among your friends to have one, or look for one because you think at this age you should’ve at least had some dating experience. That’s not true. Love should blossom from the connection that forms when you meet that someone, not because they answered your ad in the newspaper (albeit it’s not as if that doesn’t work).

4. Don’t feel depressed. Fear is a difficult thing to overcome, and it won’t be overcome easily. Find someone to talk to about your fears, someone who you see as a mentor and are comfortable talking with.

5. Don’t force yourself. If you don’t feel ready for a relationship and someone is pressuring you into one, tell them your fears. If they are truly someone worthwhile they will understand and wait. Otherwise…

6. When you do start that first relationship, start it with someone who is aware of your fear. Let them know your feelings. Set the line before it can be crossed. Make it clear to your partner what you are and are not comfortable with.

7. Have faith. Don’t give up if you feel it’s taking too long to overcome your fear. Don’t give in when your new partner is frustrated with your fear. Don’t expect a fairy tale ending, but work your best to communicate and compromise.

(This post is actually one that I wrote for Wikihow.com, but I thought the information would be useful for a lot of people, thus I’m sharing it here on WordPress as well. Thanks to contributions from the  Wikihow community for helping me perfect this article.)

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Wanted—Top 10 Attractive Acts in a Potential Lover

Here are a list of the top 10 desirable do’s for him and her. Firstly, I must announce a disclaimer that my only source is my psychology professor, so it is up to you whether you consider this information credible or not. I decided to call these “attractive acts” after my professor, but in reality the list includes both ‘attractive behaviours’ as well as ‘attractive qualities.’

Based on a survey of heterosexual men, here are the top 10 attractive acts in a female’s behaviour.

10. Offers to help

9. Wears stylish fashionable clothes

8. Makes an effort to spend time with me

7. Makes up jokes to make me laugh

6. Keeps physically fit and healthy looking

5.  She showers daily

Continue reading

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“Speaking the language of love”—Couples with Matching Writing Styles Last Longer

According to an article on NewScientist,  the way in which couples communicate with one another online can predict whether their relationship will last or not. The study identified patterns in couples’ use of words like “a”, “will”, “that”, and “am”. According to the study, most couples who matched in their writing styles were still together three months later, whereas those couples whose writing styles didn’t match experienced a 54% togetherness-percentage three months later.

Personally, I have to call the study out on two things not indicated in the article. Firstly, the time duration. Of the 80% that were still together three months after the study, how many of them lasted, say, a year after? I don’t think three months is ample time to deduce the longevity of the couple’s relationship. What if they broke up a week after? On the other hand, what if they stayed together for the next five years? Likewise, in regards to the 54% mismatched couples that lasted the extra three months, I’d like to see more information on how much longer they stayed together after the study. What if of the 54%, 90% of the couples got married? What if the matched couples only stayed together for an average of a few months longer than the writing-mismatches? Forgive me for these jumble-jambles of hypotheses that may or may not make sense.

My point is, three months isn’t long enough to decide which relationships are “destined for success.” After all, it’s not uncommon for people to change partners every three months(?)… You catch my drift.

My second point would be the analysis of the writing styles. This was done by examining the frequency of certain words in a couple’s online chats. I don’t know about you, but if I knew I was going to send some of my online chat log to a research centre to be studied, I wouldn’t exactly speak with my partner as… casually as I normally would. Nor about personal things I wouldn’t want other people to see. Which also brings to light the use of slang. Were the couples asked to chat with one another in perfect english? If so, it doesn’t make sense to me to analyze the symmetry of two people’s writing style if it’s in a style out of the norm to them. What if the couples usually talk in a jargon filled language of “sowwies” and “hunbun” and “cuppiecake”s? (I totally came up with those on the spot, incase you’re wondering. )

Also mentioned in the beginning of the article is the idea that people in happy marriages live “happier and healthier lives than singletons.” Not to say being single is ultimately less healthy, notes the article’s author Catherine de Lange; “divorces can have a serious negative impact on a person’s health.That’s something no singleton ever has to worry about. “(For awhile… or ever, depending on the person). Similarly, “it is better to be single than in a strained relationship.” (The Telegraph)

Afterall, the divorce rates are increasing throughout Canada (Who is spreading this nonsense? They’re not increasing. However people who are divorced are more likely to get divorced a second time.)

So what does that say about person’s overall health condition in relation to a one’s romantic liaison(s)?  Canada’s overall divorce rates are going down, but what is it that causes these divorces in the first place? Can divorce rates be lowered? I’m not educated enough to think I have a valid argument in the topic, but in my opinion, idealism has probably led to many disappointed relationships. From Disney to romance novels; to chick-flicks and broadway numbers, people naturally develop their own criteria for a perfect relationship.

But ideals are just that; ideal. They aren’t meant to be realistic, just a dream. Perhaps that is why so many people wind up in disappointing marriages and relationships. We expect our loved ones to do things a certain way, or to understand how we feel wordlessly. We expect that telepathic communication people say relationships are equipped with, or we believe that the person we’ve fallen in love with is indeed perfect and wonderful. Worst of all, we forget that a relationship is not without conflict. We forget that to fall in love with someone is to accept not only their most beautiful and mesmerizing qualities, but also their ugliest and most foul tendencies. Being able to overcome the conflicts and faults you find in a relationship is the best way to make it a thing of benevolence that will enrich your life. It won’t be easy; nothing good ever comes from things too easy. However it can be done, with the aid of good communication, patience, and understanding.
Or you could always get a dog.

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